It was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. I was sweating, overthinking and required a friend to escort me to the café to meet my first date in 20 years.
What if he looked nothing like his pictures?
What if he thought I was unattractive?
What if he wanted to kiss me at the end of the date?
Fack, I was a mess.
My husband and I had only been separated for a few months and he was already in a new relationship. Sheesh.. 18 years, 2 kids, 5 houses and multiple careers later, he had moved on. He was happy and I was happy for him. For realz.
It was time for me to step out of my comfort zone and get out there. I joined a dating site and chose what few pics I had of myself.. without the children. It felt so awkward, vulnerable and forced.
Is this really the new world of dating? Choosing a person by their picture? WTF?
I started going through the potential candidates, it took one hot minute before I realized that being an intuitive empath was not conducive to me liking anyone! Was I being too judgmental?
Looking into their eyes and feeling their energy told me so much. Many of these guys were still heart broken, some had sex addiction, and so many of them were extremely unhealthy.
Why did this guy think using a profile pic with his exes face blacked out was ok? And why do they all pose with their newly tortured fish? Do they think I want to date them based on their torso?
I know, I know, I'm not painting a pretty picture. But this is the Kootenays, we are brimming with healthy, conscious, beautiful people, hot men everywhere, biking, skiing, drumming... The question that kept coming to mind was, where are all the men? I was seeing wounded little boys in men's bodies.
Fast forward to today. It's been 2 years and over 20 dates later. I feel a whole lot wiser and I've learned so much about myself and the process of online dating.
Today, I want to share my top 5 ways to spot the men from the boys online:
1. If dude is showing pics of himself shirtless from the head down or in the bed pretending to sleep, he's looking for a hookup or a friend with benefits.
2. If the guy always wants to meet up for a drink or at the club, chances are he's not looking for something long term and wants sexy time. Offer a tea/coffee date or a walk in the park. Men love doing active stuff to feel at ease.
3. Meet up sooner than later. I recommend asking some important questions asap to find out if he's worthy of your time. Once you know, suggest meeting that week in person or getting on the phone. There's nothing more annoying than texting for hours online and knowing within 5 mins of meeting, there's no chemistry.
4. You arrive together at the restaurant or café and he hasn't offered to buy your drink....hmmm. That's ok, we live in 2020 right!? So now you're curious to find out if he is a gentlemen, a King worthy of your palace. Try casually dropping something and see if he picks it up. Leave with him and allow him to go first, does he open the door for you? Does he make eye contact or look around a lot? Body language is key and remember, a King takes care of his Queen.
5. Your energetic frequency is all over your dating profile just like his is. This is the time to use your Queenly intuition. What's the first feeling you get when you look at his picture? What is your gut reaction to his write up? Trust it and move on at any sign of unease in your body.
My hope is that this will help you out on your own personal dating journey. I've met some great guys and love having new male friends! I've learned to stay open and to stop being closed off out of fear of the unknown. The more open you are to the experience and the less attached you are to the outcome, the more fun this can be! Being in a relationship one day is still something I'm open to but I certainly don't need a partner to feel whole or loved.
I did find love.
I found love for myself. I learned that I love sleeping alone and taking myself out on dates is really great! I truly hope this will help you on your own online dating journey to find your King! And don't be afraid to reach out and share how this blog may have helped you. Hugs, Therese